Written by Tracy Shirvill
When training to become a counsellor, we learn about a variety of counselling methods. This can include person-centred therapy, narrative therapy, solution-focused, CBT, and ACT. Early on in my training I asked one of my lecturers how counsellors choose which modality they use. It turns out that the modality we use is often the modality we prefer when we are the client. It didn’t surprise me when I eventually gravitated to person-centred therapy.
The Midlife Experience
Midlife is the stage of our life span between young adulthood and old age. Defining midlife with numbers is much harder to do. Some will say that midlife is between the ages of 40 and 65, while others say that midlife begins in our mid-to-late 30’s.
Something that I find unique about this time of life is that stressors tend to occur at the same time. As a middle-aged woman, you can be dealing with:
- perimenopause,
- children moving out,
- relationship breakdowns,
- discrimination at work,
- caring for both children and parents, and
- struggling to find the time and energy for your own self-care
all at the same time. Midlife is also when you are likely to be the most stable, open to growth and reviewing your sense of identity. The combination of different stressors with a life review can be overwhelming.
A Person Centred Approach
My role as a person centred counsellor is to be a sounding board. It is not to tell you what is wrong with your life or what you should be doing. I look past the midlife crisis stereotypes to find your strengths and capacity for self-healing and growth. Person centred therapy helps to bridge the gap between how you perceive yourself and who you really are. Doing so builds up your feelings of self-worth and with it, your resilience.
Another concept of person centred therapy is self actualisation. This is where a person realises their full potential, development of their abilities and appreciation for life. When we have achieved self actualisation we can accept who we are, worts and all. This bodes well for the midlife experience as it helps to increase life satisfaction.
I can’t promise that your problems will go away. Life is always full of ups and downs. But I do know that being in touch with your own feelings and abilities will have you looking at life in a new, more positive way.
